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Fred M Bickerton
A well—known character in Failsworth about the year 1890 was a
man known as Tommy Upkeep.
Tommy used to say that he had broken one record at Failsworth
Parish Church. It had. taken him three weeks to get married. The first time he
arrived with his bride and retinue Parson Barnes refused to go on with the
ceremony, because of his condition. They had met too many friends on the road
who had toasted them prior to the event.
On the second Saturday conditions were much the same, and Parson
Barnes threatened if they came any more in that state, he would have nothing
more to do with them.
On the third Saturday they got as far as the Star Inn where they
halted. “Hello Tommy, dust think tha’ll manage it this time?” was the greeting,
“come in, let’s ‘av a look at yo.” They entered with some hesitation. “What’ll
you have?” said a chap stood at the bar. Tommy replied “I dunna know, au ‘ye
spent up, borrowed up, and. sowd op, and. only three pence left. How do yo think
I’m goin’ t manage today. What will Parson Barnes say?”
It was a puzzler. A chap going to get married with only three
pence in his pocket was a new situation. Then someone suggested that a whip
round would collect enough for his marriage fee. It was done, and Tommy thanked
them all for contributing.
Then the conditions were drawn up. “If tha gets married wi our
brass, tha’ll ave to do it our way. It’ll ave to be a proper doo, there’s no
walking, there’ll ave to be a carriage.”
One of the men had a donkey and cart, and he was ordered to fetch
it. The put stockings on the donkey’s legs, and tied them with string for
garters. Then they brushed its hair, put a ribbon or two in, and ordered the
bridal pair to get in. It was a remarkable procession. Folks stood at their
doors to cheer, and children shouted with glee.
The gaily bedecked donkey with its cart standing outside the
Parish church, on the main road, attracted. a crowd., and whilst enjoying the
fun, were divided. on the question of coming to a wedding in such a turn out.
After the wedding they all went back to the Star Inn to celebrate
the event. When this had been done, and the conventions complied with, the owner
of the cart was ordered to take the bridal party, and as many as he could get
in, at any rate, on a honeymoon trip round Daisy Nook.
When they arrived at the Crime View Inn an acquaintance met them,
and taking the proceedings in at a glance said: “So you’ve getten wed, come on,
and have a drink wi me.” The donkey cart was one which tipped up from the front
to discharge its load, and while the party were drinking the toast in the Crime
View Inn, someone removed the pin which kept the cart in position.
After several drinks the bridal party got in the cart. There was
no immediate catastrophe, for the road from Crime Lake to Daisy Nook is
downhill, and. the weight was on the shafts, and. the joker took care to pack
the cart with a balance until the proper moment should arrive.
The donkey and cart, with its party, went over the old wooden
bridge over the Medlock at Daisy Nook, past the Hen Cote, Fause Juddie’s, Jack
o’ Flunter’s, and Sam o’ Duckies. (All characters from the writings of Ben
Brierley). As the road turns at Stannybrook Lane, near to Medlock Hall, (The
present—day Garden Centre), there begins a steep rise, and as some repairs were
being made to the road, there was a notice “Rubbish can be tipped here.” People
in the know say that the donkey could. read.
At any rate, when it began to go uphill, the driver struck the
beast to urge it on — it kicked in turning, and the cart tipped over. The bride
and bridegroom, bridesmaid and groomsmen, and other friends of the happy couple
were thrown in a heap, one upon another, among the broken stones and rubbish,
where they kicked and struck out in extricable confusion, while the donkey took
“boggart” towards “Red Bills.
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